“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” – Ann Bradford
Wouldn’t it be great if we could convey to all the negative folk around us exactly what the quote above says!
Of course, we know that life is not always about roses, happiness and cheerful people.
Dealing with negative people is part of being human
Face it – meeting and dealing with negative people comes with the territory of being human and this is irrespective of how careful, open-minded and middle-of-the-road suburbanite one would be. There is always someone out there trying to get you, tell you that you are wrong and will tell you that they don’t like anything you do. Funnily enough, despite everyone having their fair share, some people seem to get more than their ‘portion’. I see you nodding your head vigorously in agreement. You have been derailed by this ‘dumb’ set of people, whose only ambition is to be excruciatingly annoying and negative and suck up every ounce of energy that others may have.
I always wonder why we care so much about what others think of us. But yet we don’t think twice before commenting on something, especially when it is negative and you will find that there will be agreement all around. If you are not one, of the negative majority you will probably find your journey through life to be an extremely gruelling experience, an uphill task, a Herculean feat, an onerous…. Oh! Well you get the picture.
Some ways to trounce Negativity
Take solace in the fact that such people are actually hiding behind this cloak of negativity only because they are desperately in need of help. Their neediness has enslaved them and they are fighting a self-trouncing battle that will ultimately get the better of them. Negative people actually need your help. This does not mean that you give in to their every whim or dominating action- just being respectful and caring often does the trick.
Think that whatever the person is saying is their opinion, which they are entitled to. Say this to yourself continually and you will begin to live it and believe it and negativity won’t seem so tough after all.
Try to control your wide-eyed enthusiasm and passion around such people. They are not easily distracted from their ‘negative path’ and may begin to see your cheerfulness as a challenge to them. You might as well stand as the target in a practice range! Just as you value your upbeat and optimistic nature, negative people have toiled hard to be the way they are – why should they change for you!
Sure each of us has our own standards and principles by which we conduct ourselves. More often than not what you believe in is different and maybe even disappointing to you by virtue of being negative. I am not suggesting for a minute that you should not believe in the inherent universal good, but it is in your best interest to remain aware and stand your ground till the negative ones wear themselves down. This will make you more tolerant and probably have you whistling a happy tune most of the time.
Kick some butt!
If you don’t want to be kicked in your behind and be sore for a long time, then expect to be misrepresented, overruled, incessantly derided and be subject to other such negative strong-holds. All you can do is, train yourself to become mentally strong and get yourself some rhinoceros skin. Easier said than eh! Not really – it takes time and practice though. Negativity would come at you and it is necessary to spade your way through it. You cannot walk around wearing ‘rosy coloured glasses’ – it is not possible or prudent to disregard negativity but it should not throw you off balance.
Developing thick skin tactics:
#1 – Negative people love critiquing and would often be abusive in the bargain. Filter out only the suggestions and pretend that you didn’t hear the @#%%&^*!(*!
#2 – From my experience, negative people specialize in conveying the choicest of insults. As I said, they are emotionally charged individuals who throw reason and caution to the wind. Insulting you is meant to be a personal attack and now that you know it, practice selective listening.
#3 – Negative people often purposefully ignore you. That is their way of keeping you at a distance since you are probably making them uncomfortable. Check your behaviour to see if you are doing something to irritate people, else be flattered that you are important enough and making a strong enough impact that someone is trying so hard.
Developing ‘thick skin’ just means that you are confident – not in the group that requires constant approval from outside to feel special. It also means that you are willing to go beyond the ordinary, beat the challenges and probably be an inspiration for someone.
Make your own miracle!
Get serious about your own future since negative people aren’t going to support you to fulfil your desires and dreams. Unless some miraculous power or unseen force makes them mend their ways, you can be certain that wherever you are in life you will cross paths with negativity and it would be in your best interest to deal with it with humour and lightheartedness. Believe in the power of a cheery disposition, smile more (make people wonder what you are up to!) and I will let you in on my secret – the power to trounce negativity lies in you – make the negative ones know this too!
“But you can vanquish the demons only when you yourself are convinced of your own worth.”― Adeline Yen Mah
An aphorism within the haloed realms of psychology speaks to the fact that we feel pain continually irrespective of how much it may bother us and build unresolved issues in our psyche. Over time, these inconclusive build ups are from the feeling of being unloved – and reactions can be triggered by just a word or someone. Unfortunately, the feeling of being unloved has a wicked allure – one of the strongest enticements. This, despite the fact that feeling unloved causes deep pain and sometimes unmanageable distress.
“I am unloved” is usually an unintended feeling, however, the enticement and propinquity for this feeling, have a strange vice-like grip. And yes, allured by the feeling of being unloved does throw common sense out of the window – because why would someone want to feel pain, after all the crap that life throws at us anyway? Well, the truth is that our inner self, has the ‘habit’ of going against the protocols of common sense, and if we look within deeply, we will uncover many such ‘allures’ that completely fly in the face of common sense. Feeling unloved – just one of these startling ‘discoveries’.
I refer to this feeling as a wicked allure because it is easy to fall in love with being unloved – it is familiar and maybe even used as a defining trait. It gives us a sense of ‘comfort’ to the extent that we are unrecognizable to ourselves without it. I don’t mean that these feelings are always unfounded – there would be innumerable instances of rejection, cruelty, snubbing, ridicule, and more inflicted upon the psyche and heart, leading to the vice-like grip!
Despite what we want to believe, the rejection or unkindness from others, while being the trigger, is not the reason for the allure and internal burden. These unsettling feelings come from our internal conflicts that remain ambiguous and unresolved. The vacillation between loving oneself and feeling completely unlovable in the next minute is that tough place where we feel trapped within. This cobweb of complexity – self-loathing, self-criticism – is usually and primarily unconscious, and has a devious allure.
This execrable allure has to be negated and broken away from – to sustain overall well-being. It might be acceptable to dig deep to make improvements in oneself, however, allowing the inner disparager to overwhelm us, can over time prove harsh and ruthless. Rather than allowing this to crush our very soul, looking deep into the reason for our emotional conflicts, could help us to love ourselves first. We can absolve ours self of unnecessary misery through insight and #emotionalintelligence. Taking steps to claw our way out of the pit of misery of feeling unloved is possibly one of the biggest ‘favors’ we can afford to our self. The allure towards being unloved – betrayal, rejection, feeling abandoned – are emotional but unfortunate attachments. It is akin to a bloodsucking parasite that refuses to leave, unless we shake it off.
Feeling unloved – a wicked but very real allure!
Read this as though you wrote it
There are times when I might say “am feeling blue”, essentially conveying that I am sad or depressed or not feeling as happy and energetic as I usually feel. On some days, everything is rosy red, or sunshine yellow or perky orange, while some days are neutral or rested – gray or white might describe them.
The color of my thoughts often translates to the color of my emotions. If my thoughts are orange, my emotion and mood would be happy. Depending on how often the colors are cheery and bright, these could stick with me for some time. Think about it! Well, I understand that keeping thoughts in control not easy, but unless I remain mindful of what I am allowing into my head, I could easily get overwhelmed. At the risk of sounding like a harbinger of gloom, the fact is that negativity is ubiquitous and hence the color of my thoughts could easily become blue or black.
My mind is powerful. If I color it with the dark or wrong thoughts, my life will be ‘dyed’ the same color. Of course, this is subjective but I know for a fact that the longer I ponder or stick with the dark/miserable/despondent colors, the worse I feel. And to make matters worse, these colors tend to stick and become harder to disconnect them from me.
Don’t get me wrong – am not always jumping around happy and smiling. I have my cantankerous and morose days too, which am sure you have as well. In fact, we need these bleak times – they help me at least to appreciate even the normal days, allowing me to view the world in a happy frame.
What is the predominant color of your thoughts? Is it time to change this color and do you have what it takes to make that change?
Have a colorful weekend!
Image Courtesy: UpRaise
There is so much happening in the upper reaches of your head – you find yourself unable to relax. Wouldn’t you like to remain active, lose yourself in vigorous and fruitful pursuits, ones that make you forget what is bothering you – a sophisticated kind of displacement!
Emotional Intelligence – not from the haloed offices or the glorified pages of scholars – is simply about asking and knowing why. It becomes your purpose and the driving force that will inform every action you take. High EI can become your personal or your business’s brand value – that oomph and differentiating factor that everyone wants but does not have. Make EI part of your mission statement – that critical factor that makes you stand head and shoulder above others!
Yes, it is a challenging time for all. With high EI you would refuse to operate out of a place of fear but rather be disruptive and shake up the industry and your own way of life. Every idea that you think of, probably already exists – but with #high emotional intelligence you would be deliver what you have in a different and unique way to attract customers, with panache!
You know what else is great about EI, it allows you to feel discouraged, upset, angry, sad, or other such ‘negative’ emotions – but tells you what you can do with these emotions and feelings – you will ALWAYS find a solution. It enables you to sort out the big and small stuff with focus on your options and the way forward. Emotional Intelligence helps you realize your greatest strengths and fulfill your optimal potential to get what you desire.
The world is constantly changing and so are we as individuals. Rather than fight the change, it would be prudent to build agility and tackle whatever we are faced with – daily. The strength for this should come from within – EI is your tool to build this inner vigor and resilience. The essence of EI is that it helps you challenge the status quo – whether it is your own rigid mindset or fear or the personalities of others around us. Remaining stagnant is detrimental for business, a person, and from an overall wellness perspective.
EI hands you the reins- allows you freedom – makes you the boss of your choices. It affords you the tenacity and determination to keep going despite challenges and in the face of failure. EI is all about passion – when you are passionate about something, you do it well and succeed.
Doesn’t EI sound like something you want to learn for yourself, your business, your relationships, and for every aspect of your life?
Image Courtesy: Simply Placed
“The way of the Essentialist isn’t about setting New Year’s resolutions to say “no” more, or about pruning your in-box, or about mastering some new strategy in time management. It is about pausing constantly to ask, “Am I investing in the right activities?” – Greg McKeown
Fear of missing out, lack of emotional intelligence, and a mindset of consumerism is forcing everyone to constantly want more, and with that the desire to take on additional assignments and high pressured jobs. The murky coalition that now exists between the forces of consumerism, mobile devices, and social media platforms ensures some inadvertent consequences – not all bad, but certainly a high degree of issues. Overcoming such a mindset is essential in all realms of life, but we will focus on the idea of ‘essentialism’ in an effort to build and advance one’s career.
It would be easy to hanker after better and multiple projects, jobs that require intense hours and even relocation, and other such ‘more’ actions in one’s job, in a bid to advance one’s career. Contractual employment, for example, is a term that such mindsets abhor and refuse to accept. It just isn’t ‘enough’ and does not sound ‘rushed and big’. In the bid to grab projects and assignments and other tasks, people tend to overlook and even negate the truly vital portions of their job / career. It would make more sense to carefully assess the opportunities that come along, understand deeply those that align to one’s objectives and goals, and ignore all those that do not match up to the current situation. This is the core of essentialism – and opposes the neglect of urgent and pressing objectives. The fact is that if someone is good at their job, and is viewed as being successful in their career opportunities and requests will abound – and without a clear focus on objectives, essentialism will be a lost cause.
Most people find it hard to let go, and this is more pronounced in the case of go-getters and high achievers. However, to be truly successful it is important to understand that is humanly impossible to do everything and also trying to please others is highly imprudent. Essentialism propagates that unless one is able to prioritize their own life, there will always be undue demands, which would end in someone else making life and career decisions for a person. It is all about balancing through trade-offs, since while some people may be able to pursue several things at one time, it seems highly unlikely that anyone person can pursue everything. High achievers, read as people who are successful would be those who strategically chose their objectives and pursued them with all their might. It is about choosing the best options and completely discarding the others. When looking at career building opportunities, many people tend to make the same mistake – not analyzing opportunities in alignment to their goals and objectives for lack of time or believing that every opportunity is a ‘golden one’. Remaining stuck within indecision wastes time and energy and can truly hamper growth and success in a person’s career, proving counter-intuitive to what a person would actually be moving towards.
Essentialism is about determining what is Essential
There are some techniques to understand what is essential:
Understand your own role and the impact it has on the goals of an organization. “Raise your hand” only for projects that meet the objectives of your own role and that of the organization.
Place all your assignments / projects / tasks within your role in a list, and assign them an urgent or important status, and proceed to complete them accordingly. Do this exercise regularly for both short term and annual goals.
Place your highest personal values alongside the culture of the organization. Take up assignments / projects that will forward the cause of both.
Ask for help / support where required. Not everyone has the leeway to firm up priorities of their job / career. If required, seek the help of a senior person / experienced individual to help prioritize. Identify time wasters and find ways to either eliminate or put them on automated mode.
Remain mindful and do what is most essential, to the cause of progressing your job and career, on a daily basis.
Push and stretch to become increasingly productive and effective in your job – not just becoming better at what you do, but also challenging the status quo. Of course, challenging what is should be done when you know exactly why it would be important to your role and despite going against the tide you would be able to garner support.
To move ahead in one’s career, whether in contractual employment or a permanent assignment, some changes are necessary to focus on what is truly important. Utilize new techniques to remove excesses and simplify processes, making it easier to stride towards that which would indeed be most critical to your career building and advancement.