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“But you can vanquish the demons only when you yourself are convinced of your own worth.”― Adeline Yen Mah

An aphorism within the haloed realms of psychology speaks to the fact that we feel pain continually irrespective of how much it may bother us and build unresolved issues in our psyche. Over time, these inconclusive build ups are from the feeling of being unloved – and reactions can be triggered by just a word or someone. Unfortunately, the feeling of being unloved has a wicked allure – one of the strongest enticements. This, despite the fact that feeling unloved causes deep pain and sometimes unmanageable distress.

“I am unloved” is usually an unintended feeling, however, the enticement and propinquity for this feeling, have a strange vice-like grip. And yes, allured by the feeling of being unloved does throw common sense out of the window – because why would someone want to feel pain, after all the crap that life throws at us anyway? Well, the truth is that our inner self, has the ‘habit’ of going against the protocols of common sense, and if we look within deeply, we will uncover many such ‘allures’ that completely fly in the face of common sense. Feeling unloved – just one of these startling ‘discoveries’.

I refer to this feeling as a wicked allure because it is easy to fall in love with being unloved – it is familiar and maybe even used as a defining trait. It gives us a sense of ‘comfort’ to the extent that we are unrecognizable to ourselves without it. I don’t mean that these feelings are always unfounded – there would be innumerable instances of rejection, cruelty, snubbing, ridicule, and more inflicted upon the psyche and heart, leading to the vice-like grip!

Despite what we want to believe, the rejection or unkindness from others, while being the trigger, is not the reason for the allure and internal burden. These unsettling feelings come from our internal conflicts that remain ambiguous and unresolved. The vacillation between loving oneself and feeling completely unlovable in the next minute is that tough place where we feel trapped within. This cobweb of complexity – self-loathing, self-criticism – is usually and primarily unconscious, and has a devious allure.

This execrable allure has to be negated and broken away from – to sustain overall well-being. It might be acceptable to dig deep to make improvements in oneself, however, allowing the inner disparager to overwhelm us, can over time prove harsh and ruthless. Rather than allowing this to crush our very soul, looking deep into the reason for our emotional conflicts, could help us to love ourselves first. We can absolve ours self of unnecessary misery through insight and #emotionalintelligence. Taking steps to claw our way out of the pit of misery of feeling unloved is possibly one of the biggest ‘favors’ we can afford to our self. The allure towards being unloved – betrayal, rejection, feeling abandoned – are emotional but unfortunate attachments. It is akin to a bloodsucking parasite that refuses to leave, unless we shake it off.

Feeling unloved – a wicked but very real allure!