Lessons in the Fine Art of Rudeness

I don’t want to sound overly cynical or critical, but some experiences (more than one would have thought possible) over time have forced me think about getting (and giving) some lessons in the fine art of rudeness. There is an adage – ‘do in Rome as the Romans would do’, so it would make sense to learn the ‘art’ of rudeness to fit into the world today. If you don’t agree, then stop reading! (Here is your first lesson – see how easy it has become to be rude!). People seem to perfecting this ‘art’ by using it whenever they can, and even creating opportunities to sound as brash and curt as is possible. After all – practice makes one perfect, right!

1. Always, always interrupt when someone else is speaking. Tell them you don’t mean to, but always intrude and cut in on someone when they are trying to get a word in. You need to be heard – doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say.
2. Okay – if you are unable to master the interrupting bit, then you can most certainly speak in a decibel way louder than the person who is talking. Some people have mastered this art – sometimes being so loud that their voice continues to ring in the hearer’s ears for a very long time post the ‘conversation’.
3. Patronize – be as arrogant and supercilious as is possible. This goes extremely well with interrupting and talking over. After all, you do know every topic and subject better than the person talking or anyone else for that matter.
4. Make the other person / persons feel stupid and idiotic, by continually telling them that they did not comprehend what your smart self was trying to convey. Tell them constantly that they have misunderstood and misinterpreted everything you said – for example, label a person with the ‘choicest adjectives’ and then say, “that’s not what I meant. Is that what you got from what I said”? Ensure they feel that they can never understand anything correct.
5. Never make the ‘mistake’ of saying please and thank you. God forbid the use of such poor language! After all these words should be reserved only for when people address you, or when you do something for others (that is if, your high and mighty self, would ever do something for others)
6. Ensure that punctuality is not part of your life. Arrive late – for everything, especially for meetings that involve the time and effort of others. When you do arrive, follow rules 1-4 – if you are doing something do it well – perfect the art of rudeness. Remember also that apologizing for your lateness or anything else is not for you. Never say sorry for anything. Never.
7. Always be as vague and non-committal as possible. The acronym ASAP for example is one of the finest examples of ambiguity – use it often. Miss deadlines and never apologize (part of rule 6), never answer or return calls, if you answer a call, do not let the caller speak but cut in and say that you are busy and will call back. Of course, you should never call back even if you said so. Always appear busy – so responding to messages, emails, and other forms of communication would not be expected of you. After all, it is not your job to be courteous and thoughtful, that’s for everybody else.
8. Try as you may, there would be topics being discussed that do not catch your fancy, ones that you consider boring or irrelevant to you. Don’t stand for it – start speaking about something that does interest you, even if it is completely irrelevant to the topic of discussion. If you don’t have a topic, just stroll out of the room while a person is talking, or use your phone to send messages, check your emails, or better still to play a game. Remember to keep your mobile phone on ringer mode – silence is not for you. You don’t need to respect the others or listen to their opinion.
9. Lastly, and most importantly, if you are ever at the receiving end of 1-8, stand up and proclaim that it is RUDE.

We are all guilty of at least one of these rules and the perfecting the art seems to continue unabated. What do you think? Am I right, or am I right?