The sudden death of my husband on 24th March left me shocked, drained, empty, and disbelieving – and myriad other emotions. The standard responses of you have to move ahead, be strong, you have a child to care for – seem empty and insensitive, and yet I know they are true. I knew however, that I had to forge ahead professionally and personally. My husband Nitish, provided me with the support, love and care I needed to do well professionally – even when I decided to work from home as a freelance writer.
Now I am a single parent – I went back to writing after 3 days of his death, in an attempt to block out all the confusion and gut wrenching pain. I continue to pursue my writing work with intensity and passion – as my clients will confirm. I have refused to relocate because I understand the difficulties of replacing the ‘infrastructure’ around me – clients, some friends, my daughter’s friends and her life, doctors and vets, and many other such supporting aspects.
Going back to work gave me the stability of a routine, and it felt a bit secure. It felt like a ‘break’ from the pain, the mind numbing torment, and the emptiness I felt. Of course, simple things like taking care of self – eating right, sleeping enough – were neglected, and, continues at times. I knew I needed something to keep me busier – people to speak with since I no longer had my love to share things. I have had to start dressing well again – at the cost of being judged by several nosy folk and prying eyes. I know in my heart I am doing the right thing – my daughter needs a stable home, a caring mum, and we both need an extremely safe future.
I refuse to get writing assignments based on sympathy – clients and businesses are not sympathetic anyway if you do not perform. I am now working hard at a new business too, learning more, and keeping my head high. Tears have not stopped flowing – I cry even because my daughter lost a loving father – it is unfair to her to grow up without him. With everything, that has happened and is happening, my adrenalin is pumping and I am unbelievably strong, thanks to my daughter, and whatever I hope to achieve for her.